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It has never been easy for any black person living with herpes to find a dating partner. It takes acceptance of the situation and a strongly focused mind. Despite all the prejudice, critics and all kind of stigma, there will always be that one perfect match for you. For some reasons, middle aged black women are at a higher risk of contracting herpes and black Americans as well. Statistics show that half of black women are living with herpes. I will be shedding some light on some of the tips for black herpes dating.
Register with a black herpes dating site
By so doing, you avoid the issue and pain that comes with rejection since a person interested in you is already aware of your status and hence loves you despite it. It’s very wise to ensure that the site you choose to register with is legitimate. In these sites you are able to meet and share with countless black people living with herpes too and this could help you to accept yourself, understand that you are not alone, realize that dating is not barred by your condition and generally learn about the issue and how to easily cope with it.
Many questions from people interested in you and that is quite in order. It’s very normal that someone truly interested in you should seek to understand more about your status. You should be having the answers to those questions right at your fingertips.
You are not any less of yourself
If only black people realized that black is beauty and that herpes doesn’t make it any less, then it would be easier to understand that anyone can face rejection regardless of their color or health status hence it’s time we all learnt on how to face rejection with courage and acceptance. Let go what is not worth you, it could cause you more trouble than solution.
Stay real and positive
Anyone who truly loves you loves you the way you are. Be honest about your condition and never trade your self esteem for anything however how bad or good it may seem. Remain confident and you are bound to discover that there is so much more about love and dating that you are yet to explore.
It is always how we first perceive ourselves that reflects to the minds of others. We should realize that nothing should come in between us and our dating life, we will be able to face reality as it is and without much problem be able to enjoy life more even with herpes.
As a matter of fact, dating can be pretty tricky for anyone; however, trying to find a date while HIV positive could feel like attempting advanced calculus. This can be attributed to the difficulty associated with disclosing one’s status; and the fear of facing a negative reaction. However, these issues don’t have to hold you back. You need to realize that HIV or any other STD could be contracted by anyone and this makes everyone equal; furthermore, HIV is no longer the menace it used to be – the wrong attitude is the one that’s dangerous, not HIV. With the coming of the World’s AIDS Day, we deemed it good to give you some nice tips to find someone perfect for you. We have also lined up some cool dating sites such as Positive Singles, to make it easier to find someone who shares your interests.
You’re more worthy than you imagine
I have dealt with some positive folks who told me that they couldn’t even try finding someone because they didn’t think anyone would want them – this is a big misconception. The first step starts with accepting and loving yourself. When you have found someone, you don’t have to always be in the fear of losing them. Let them know that your condition doesn’t bother you and that you are happy.
Let your date know early enough
As a matter of fact, there are jerks out there – people who still hold on to the misconception that HIV is the most detrimental thing on earth. Therefore, it would be good to consider telling him/her your status early enough, before you can hardly let go.
Don’t expect too much
Of course we all need to always keep faith that everything will go well with us. However, this doesn’t apply when this hope is dependent on the actions of someone else. Therefore, don’t jump into the relationship expecting that he/she will move heaven and earth for you, but rather let things straighten out slowly. Remember that anyone judgmental of your condition is not worth your time.
Find someone who shares your interests
The best way to finding a perfect date would be to find someone who feels the same way as you. By this I mean someone who has HIV too; or Herpes if that’s what you got. Finding someone who shares your interest is almost guaranteed to work. By this, you won’t even have to deal with the stigma and you could go a long way towards supporting each other. Check out these great HIV and Herpes dating sites :
- Positive Singles
- Herpes People Meet
- Herpes Passions
- STD Soul mates
- HIV People Meet
I hope this article has helped you figure out a way to finding your dream lover. Remember that HIV or any other STD doesn’t define anything about you; you define who you are. Furthermore in the recent years, I have seen HIV decrease in potency by incredible levels; plus with technological advancement in medicine, finding a cure is imminent. Happy World’s AIDS Day!
The author (far left) having a drink
It’s funny that we all “have a relationship” with alcohol. It’s maybe the only thing we consume that we feel the need to directly relate to the rest of our lives. I’ve never heard anyone open up about their toxic relationship with gorgonzola, or how they’re working on their relationship with Coke Zero. But alcohol? From heavy drinkers to teetotallers, we all have a personal bond.
Like pretty much everyone else, I have a relationship with alcohol. In fact, like pretty much everyone else, nearly every significant moment in my life revolves around drink. As an eight-day-old Jewish baby I was given the snip, put to sleep with a little drop of wine. My first proper kiss, at Reading of 2009, was fueled by a blend of vodka and Tesco Value cola. My 18th birthday was just an excuse to get trashed. First week of college: gin, Jägerbombs, and Kronenberg. Celebrations, commiserations, falling in love, and gut-wrenching heartbreaks have always seen me—and my contemporaries, elders, and ancestors—reaching for a glass.
So when statistics surfaced earlier this month that suggested young people in Britain are drinking less than ever before, I started thinking about my drinking. As I wandered home from the pub one night, a few glasses of wine down, I asked myself: is my relationship with alcohol really OK? I’d always thought that everyone my age was drinking a little bit too much, but that, y’know, it was kind of OK because we’re the first generation to be worse off than our parents; we’re stuck with a lifetime of debt; we’ll never be able to buy a home, etc, ad infinitum. But turns out that’s just not the case.
My roommates reassured me that of course I was healthy. I work nine to five, Monday to Friday. I don’t drink alone, rarely in the daytime, no blacking out after nights at the pub. But, at the same time, it dawned on me pretty quickly that my lifestyle involves drinking most nights of the week. I rarely drink to the point where things get too wobbly, which, until now, I’d told myself, meant things were nowhere near out of hand.
But I wanted to be certain, so I decided to keep track of my drinking habits for a week. Monday night I was heading down to an event in central London. After the job? Well, everyone headed to the pub. Tuesday was a Turkish dinner with a glass or three of wine, Wednesday work drinks, Thursday my roommate passed me a beer on the sofa. I was never drinking huge amounts, but there was a bottle there every night of the working week. On Friday evening I was off to Wilderness Festival, and I had a few gins when we got there. By Saturday lunchtime I was heading down to Brighton Pride. I tried to keep a tally of units, but to be honest I couldn’t easily keep count. I imagine that’s probably not a great thing.
The author (center) doing a bit more drinking
I decided to get in touch with James Nicholls, Director of Research and Policy Development at Alcohol Research UK. Before I started panicking about whether or not there were any issues with my relationship with booze, I wanted to work out if the amount I consume is a problem for my health. If not, then why worry?
“The revised government guidelines are 14 units of alcohol a week for both men and women,” said James over the phone. “The guidelines set out how much you should drink to keep your risk of dying of an alcohol-related condition below 1 percent.”
It didn’t take me long to realize, after checking what 14 units represents, that I—and most of my friends—could get through that in an afternoon. Six standard glasses of wine? Six pints of beer? Over the course of an entire week, that seems like nothing. But maybe it’s not; only 25 percent of the UK population drinks more than the recommended weekly limit.
Yet, this didn’t worry me too much. Sure, at 23 I’m drinking way over the recommended limit week-on-week, but that’s a risk for my body that, for now, I’m willing to take. We make decisions every day that see us risk our bodies to some degree, for pleasure, for comfort, or for a thrill. As far as I could see, what was vital was that drinking remained a choice and not a necessity, and when it came to my own drinking, I still wasn’t 100 percent sure where I fell.
Dr. Sally Marlow is a Fellow at King’s College London, with an expertise in addiction and the stigma that surrounds it. “There’s no single trait or gene, no single answer that says whether you’re addicted,” she explained from her home. According to Sally, the kind of thing you see in the Daily Mail when it comes to alcohol addiction is a “crock of shite.” Instead, she assured me that alcoholism spawns from a “complex interplay between your genetic makeup and the things that happen to you in your life.”
In short: there was no easy answer to the question, “Do I have a problem with drinking?”
What Sally also made clear is that you can’t judge a drink problem solely on the amount of alcohol you consume. “A heavy drinker can build up a tolerance where you need more and more to get the same effect,” she said, pointing to smoking or heroin addiction as similar examples; you might start off slowly, but soon increasing your intake to feel the same effect.
“It’s the same with alcohol, but it’s slower: over a couple of years you might need more and more to be relaxed, to be a party animal, to be self-confident,” she said. “People who can knock back a couple of bottles of wine might only get the effect of a few glasses.”
So it’s not in the quantity alone that points to a problem. Instead, Sally pointed me towards the types of behaviors that might signal alcoholism: can’t get to work due to hangovers; arguing with your friends, family, or partner because of the drink; getting busted for drunk driving; drunken accidents or getting into fights; feelings of shame and guilt; or blackouts where you continue to function but you don’t recall what was going on. Sally says these are all red flags—behavioral signs that you might have a problem.
Speaking to Sally, it was clear that what she described is not the way I—or many of my peers—drink. However, it’s also clear that casual drinking can easily mutate into problem drinking.
I got in contact with an Alcoholics Anonymous member named Jack. Now age 30, Jack has been sober since the age of 21, when he realized something just wasn’t right. “From the outside everything was perfect: I had a good job, a long-term relationship, a nice flat,” he said, “but I looked in the mirror every day and I hated what I saw.”
For Jack, drinking was a way of escaping. “I feel happy? Have a drink. Feel like shit? Have a drink. When I was without alcohol I was irritable, snappy, an arsehole—I was worse sober than when I was drunk.”
I asked Jack what it was that made him realize he had a problem. Turned out it was a work lunch with his office when things, as he put it, got seriously fucking bad. “I nearly lost my job, I lost clients, I lost the company a lot of business. I embarrassed myself,” he said. “Let’s just say: when you’re trying to get a contract with a client, it’s best not to offer to sleep with them when their wife is also there.”
When Jack was drinking he didn’t know whether or not he was going to carry on long into the night. “I might go out for a drink or two, and sometimes I would , but other times I’d wake up the next day and not know where I was.”
British drinking culture can make it difficult to spot an alcohol problem. On the surface, my consumption—and that of most people I spoke to while writing this article—should probably be setting off some alarm bells. But really, it’s just become normal for many of us to drink like this day-to-day.
I can’t help but think about a close friend of mine, a journalist, who did Dry January earlier this year. Yes, he managed nearly 31 days sober, but he moaned about it every night of the week. Does this mean he has a problem? If it does, it also means basically everyone who did Dry January also does.
The line between healthy and dangerous is alarmingly murky, but trying a period of sobriety and seeing how you’re left feeling seems to be a pretty solid way to test the water. Either way I’ll now be keeping much closer tabs not just on how much I’m drinking, but why.
Follow Michael Segalov on Twitter.
This year was the 50th anniversary of the Notting Hill Carnival, which was as rowdy and crowded and colorful as ever. There was all the usual fun stuff—people squirting chocolate sauce everywhere, the obligatory dancing police officer, rich kids dabbing a lot and being excruciatingly embarrassing—and all the usual bad stuff—not being able to physically move, lots of arrests for weapon offenses, and five reported stabbings.
Photographer Charlie Kwai went along to capture some of the estimated 1 million people who attended.
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Gene Wilder, the acting legend most famous for his 1971 role as the title character in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, has died due to complications from Alzheimer’s disease at 83, his family confirmed on Monday. Wilder wasn’t a prolific actor, appearing in only about “15 or 18 films” by his own reckoning—and dropping out of the movie business almost entirely for the past two decades.
But when he was at the height of his powers from the late 60s through the early 80s, he collaborated with equally brilliant directors and co-stars to create one weirdo masterpiece after another. The performance at the center of one of Wilder’s films feels like lightning in a bottle that could never possibly be captured again. You could lift, say, Cary Grant out of a role and simply replace him with his modern equivalent, George Clooney, but I doubt anyone could possibly be a “modern Gene Wilder.”
Wilder’s acting range may seem limited: he could be a nervous college professor-type, or crank up the volume all the way to mad scientist, and that’s pretty much it. But instead of working within the honorable tradition of the one-note character actor, Wilder painted with varying shades of optimism and warmth—always hidden under a veneer of derangement—and the combination somehow made him into an unlikely movie star.
His big break in movies was just four years before he played Willy Wonka, when he was plucked from a stint on Broadway to play a kidnapped mortician in 1967’s Bonnie and Clyde. Director Arthur Penn told him at the time his performance in the tiny role was surprising. “I asked him what he meant, and he said he never imagined its being funny,” Wilder wrote in his 2006 memoir, Kiss Me Like a Stranger.
Wilder was sort of an overnight success at 34 years old, managing to get a role the following year in the first of Mel Brooks’ many comedy films, The Producers. Wilder’s work with Brooks included two other undisputed classics: Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, both of which further solidified his reputation as a comedian, a label Wilder himself found puzzling. He told interviewer Robert Osborne in 2013, “I don’t think I’m that funny,” and said, “I’ll make my wife laugh once or twice in the house, but nothing special.”
Despite not finding himself funny, Wilder continued to appear in comedies with varying degrees of success. He and Richard Pryor teamed up for a successful run of three films in the 70s and 80s. He also appeared in a light comedy in 1982 called Hanky Panky, which wasn’t very popular, but did introduce him to his third wife, the late comedy god, and original SNL cast member, Gilda Radner.
Outside of the comedy world, Wilder seemed most at home in family movies—specifically, strange and unsettling family movies. He somehow combined warmth with mania and darkness to bring us characters like Willy Wonka. Early on in Chocolate Factory, Wilder’s Wonka seems like some kind of emotionally distant sadist with maybe a hint of a soul. Later when he reveals that torturing children was a ploy, and that his real agenda was to hand over the keys to his candy empire to Charlie, the audience feels a sudden swell of elation that wouldn’t be nearly as sweet if Wilder hadn’t taken the character to such terrifying depths.
Maybe that’s why no one has ever attempted to play the role of Willy Wonka ever again, and you can’t convince me otherwise.
Wilder was the most emotionally satisfying part of a very you-have-to-be-stoned-to-get-it 1974 musical adaptation of The Little Prince. He played the character of the Fox as just a guy in a brown suit, if that helps give you a sense of what kind of movie this was. But Wilder’s heartbreaking departure from the Prince’s life makes the film worth watching.
As time went on, Wilder became disillusioned by movies in general. He complained to Osborne that there was too much “swearing,” and “bombing,” in Hollywood. “If something comes along that’s really good, and I think I’d be good for it, I’d be happy to do it. But not too many came along,” he said.
Wilder’s movie career slowed to a stop in the 1990s, but he popped up in a handful of made-for-TV movies before seemingly calling it quits. In 1999 when NBC decided to make a two-and-a-half hour Alice in Wonderland adaptation for some weird reason, Wilder was kind enough to accept the role of the Mock Turtle. In one scene, Wilder stands there in a turtle shell with his pal the Gryphon green-screened in behind him, and sings a drawn-out version of the Lewis Caroll poem “Beautiful Soup.”
It’s absolutely bananas. In the hands of any other actor who has ever lived, the scene would be pure so-bad-it’s-good endurance comedy. Wilder’s performance on the other hand is funny, but it also manages to make you feel something. Just like always, Wilder must have looked on the page at an insane character with an equally insane preoccupation, and somehow resisted the temptation to wink, or break the fourth wall, or phone it in.
Instead, Wilder managed to love the character and song, and—even trickier—he made us love them too. At this moment I don’t see how any actor could ever pull off a trick like that again.
Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter.
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